Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
