I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
