I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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