absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
