so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
