I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
