Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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