margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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