she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
