If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
