cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
