my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
