As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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