So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
