Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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