booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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