You're my little dorito
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
