I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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