In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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