Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
