I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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