Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
