So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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