i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
