I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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