oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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