He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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