so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
