i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
