ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
