I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My vagina is officially offended.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
