why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
