Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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