Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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