Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
