I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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