the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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