I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
