1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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