My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
