i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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