I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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