Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
