listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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