What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
