you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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