Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
