Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
