What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize