How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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