you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
