It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
