we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
