2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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