Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
