so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
