This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
