people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
