You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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