so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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