i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
dude. I can hear the air.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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