Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
