She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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