Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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