It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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