I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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