I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
