You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
