So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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