I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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