Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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