I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
