he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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