My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
