grandma shit on top of the toilet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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