my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
