She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
