OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
