...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
