if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
