They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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