just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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