I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
