Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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