i want to swaddle you in tequila
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
