"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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