He is an equal opportunity slut.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
